There comes a time in every man's life when the dreaded speech preparation and delivery has to be dealt with - it will happen when you get married, if you are the father of the bride or one of the unlucky gaggle of best friends who get picked for duty at a wedding.
The question is you have to deliver a very polite speech which will tickle everyone and offend no-one, which is convenient for children's ears and still engages the grown-ups and which may test your friendship and relationship with the bride, groom, house and valuable others but is right on not supposed to break it.
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The best rule is to try to keep it clean - ribaldry is fine, but smut is not!
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You can start sketching out your speech around a few short jokes - try this:
Q. Do you think marriage is a lottery?
A. No - with a lottery you stand a small chance!
Clean and humorous and no-one is realistically going to get upset or have their feelings hurt.
It's probably best to stay away from something like, "Marriage is the chief cause of divorce", that is too close to the bone and especially with many of the wedding party already having gone straight through a disunion and with disunion rates so high.
Some one-liners from history are ordinarily a good way to liven up your speech to, try these:
"The best way to get most husbands to do something is to advise that maybe they're too old to do it."
- Ann Bancroft
"I think men who have a pierced ear are great prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewellery."
- Rita Rudner
"By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll come to be a philosopher."
- Socrates
"I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury."
- George Burns
Just make sure that you are even handed in your use of such quips - if a one-liner takes a swipe at husbands, make sure there is a counter-balancing quip at the charge of wives.
One-liners are great to drop into a speech but sometimes you need something more detailed. One technique is to take an existing story and weave the bride or groom into the tale as participating characters. If you don't feel comfortable with doing this, try personalizing a story using someone everyone is familiar with, even if the people complicated are not directly know by the ensemble, say your old school teacher.
For instance:
"I remember meeting Mrs Smith, our old maths teacher, years after leaving school at a cocktail party. I said "Hi" and we started talking until I noticed she had her wedding ring on the wrong finger - when I asked her why she had the ring on the wrong finger she told me it was because she'd married the wrong man!"
Or you can poke fun at yourself:
"I married Miss Right, but I didn't know her first name was Always"
There are of procedure mother-in-law jokes, but given the proximity of two of them to the bride and groom, great tact and care needs to be exercised, but just in case you need one, here it is:
"Behind every prosperous man is a stunned mother-in-law!"
Funny Anecdotes For Wedding SpeechesThe Jack Benny Program - Peggy King - Art Linkletter 3/4 Tube. Duration : 6.77 Mins.Jack opens with a very funny and typically witty monologue. During the monologue he is heckled by audience member, Franque Finque (Mel Blanc), who goes on to cause a real "stinque." Next is a warm welcome to Peggy King who unexpectedly becomes a little irritating to Jack. King sings "Where Love Walks Out, Brother" and delivers a fantastic performance. Then it's time for Art Linkletter. Art does some interviews with children and then launches into a great skit with some surprise participants. This video brought to you by hwy61media. Please take a moment to rate this movie and add your comments. You can see all of my videos at: www.youtube.com Please take a look and subscribe to my channel. If you would like to comment on my channel as well, please do so. Your feedback is important to me. Thanks for watching.
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